Tuesday, August 21, 2007

This Week On The Young and the Feckless

Bailey learns that Mitch has broken the glass globe off of the leaping dolphin snow globe jewelry box she bought at a beach gift shop. Will she forgive him? Will she retaliate? Will she come up with something more original than, "I TOLD you to stay OUT of MY ROOM"?

After getting a little too comfortable working from home, John shaves for the first time in four days. Will he clean out the sink? Will Ashley serve him with divorce papers if he doesn't?

Ant Family Jubilee continues in the family's kitchen. Not to be foiled by Ashley's mad caulking spree, the ants persevere and discover that they can enter the kitchen from the top of the window, where caulking is, alas, much less convenient. Over night, they find that the cabinet above the stove holds peanut butter!! Much feasting ensues. Tomorrow: Will they discover the forbidden basket of 6 month-old lollipops?

After long weeks of denial, Paige finally comes to terms with the fact that Ashley and John do indeed mean business about the whole staying in the crib thing. Upon this realization, she throws a level 10 fit followed by a pitiful withering onto the mattress and a fitful, snuffling sleep. Will she go to sleep without a fuss tomorrow? Will she stay asleep longer than 20 minutes? Tune in and find out.

Mitch gets kicked out of the ophthalmologist's office when he refuses to stop touching the very expensive equipment and pushing the very interesting buttons on the very expensive equipment while Dr. J checks Paige's leaky eyeball. Dr. J even goes so far as to leave off calling Mitch "buddy," take him firmly by the arm, and guide him to a chair where he tells him, "Sit down, now, fellow." Ashley feels both mortified and relieved. Will she take Mitch with her to Owen's ophthalmologist appointment on Tuesday? If so, will he cooperate? (Actually, you don't have to tune in to find out about this one. The answer is hell no he's not coming.)

Owen wins the "Looking Like a Learner" award in reading class, but when asked for more detail about the criteria for this award, he reveals that (cue loud organ music) HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT "LOOKING LIKE A LEARNER" MEANS! Will Owen look like a learner tomorrow? Tune in never to find out since he has no clue how to repeat the reward-worthy behavior.

Like sand in an hour glass...so are the days of our, um, young and feckless...lives.


Bon said...

laughing and laughing and so wishing i'd thought of this very clever post format!

i will tune in next week to hear Nurse Ashley say...

um? writers? help me out here!

MadMad said...

OmG, I'm laughing so hard, I'm going to have to go back for a re-read! (And I'm relieved to know other people keep their old lollipops, too... like what, we're gonna run out of candy? But the real killer was the eye doctor! This is too funny!

bella said...

After I stopped laughing hysterically I forwarded this to all my friends.
Brilliant and honest and clever and laugh out loud funny.
I loved it!

Aliki2006 said...

Too funny--absolutely hilarious!

I will definitely tune in next week...