Monday, December 22, 2008

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

The 8 phases of the holiday photo

Oh, the blessed ritual of the holidays. The festivity, the preparing of home and heart to welcome miracles. The feasting, the sharing, the ushering in of a new hope, a new year. All this richness is what every mother hopes to capture in her children's holiday photo.

Phase One: Robot Children
You're just beginning. Everyone is hopeful, cooperative. They're trying. But it's just too stiff. Not warm enough.

Phase Two: Grandma tries to help

Grandma steps in and attempts to make everyone smile. From the other end of the room.

Phase Three: New Location

You decide an outside shot might be better. Everyone settles in, tries to find a comfortable pose. Especially the two-year old, whose most comfortable pose is less than modest. Also, your sister pulls into the driveway and yells, "Hi guys!" just as you're hitting the button.

Phase Four: Smile!

Everyone gets comfortable. You say, "Smile!" The two-year old really, really tries.

Phase Five: Impatience decends

Everyone is getting just a little bit anxious. "This is going to be it!" you reassure them. "Just one more!" And yes, it's a great shot! Cute! Natural! Semi-focused! Except the four-year-old forgot to sit still.

Phase Six: Hilarity

They've begun to mock your dream of a nice Christmas photo.

Phase seven:

Phase Eight: Tears

Now you've done it. You've made the baby cry.

Phase Nine: Wine

Mutter, "F it." Go inside. Pour a glass of wine. Pick a mediocre shot and live with it.

And no, you can't see it because you might be getting a Christmas card.

Holidays officially underway.