Wednesday, December 10, 2008

The 8 phases of the holiday photo

Oh, the blessed ritual of the holidays. The festivity, the preparing of home and heart to welcome miracles. The feasting, the sharing, the ushering in of a new hope, a new year. All this richness is what every mother hopes to capture in her children's holiday photo.

Phase One: Robot Children
You're just beginning. Everyone is hopeful, cooperative. They're trying. But it's just too stiff. Not warm enough.

Phase Two: Grandma tries to help

Grandma steps in and attempts to make everyone smile. From the other end of the room.

Phase Three: New Location

You decide an outside shot might be better. Everyone settles in, tries to find a comfortable pose. Especially the two-year old, whose most comfortable pose is less than modest. Also, your sister pulls into the driveway and yells, "Hi guys!" just as you're hitting the button.

Phase Four: Smile!

Everyone gets comfortable. You say, "Smile!" The two-year old really, really tries.

Phase Five: Impatience decends

Everyone is getting just a little bit anxious. "This is going to be it!" you reassure them. "Just one more!" And yes, it's a great shot! Cute! Natural! Semi-focused! Except the four-year-old forgot to sit still.

Phase Six: Hilarity

They've begun to mock your dream of a nice Christmas photo.

Phase seven:

Phase Eight: Tears

Now you've done it. You've made the baby cry.

Phase Nine: Wine

Mutter, "F it." Go inside. Pour a glass of wine. Pick a mediocre shot and live with it.

And no, you can't see it because you might be getting a Christmas card.

Holidays officially underway.


Anonymous said...

And don't forget to include a creepy ghost child in phase 3! Is she like the ghost in "Three Men and a Baby" - appearing in every shot??

I know she is your neice, but

Anonymous said...

oh, that was me being clever.

Mean Mommy said...

Three Men and a Baby ghost! Now that's old school. And yes, she was hovering back there the whole time. I really should include that in my description.

Average Girl In Average World said...

"Thats it you made the baby cry"

That would be me. Making them ALL cry. Shouting, "shut up, sit down and look at this camera and smile before I tell Santa you are one undeserv....."

Just kidding about that last part. I would never tell my kids to shut up. LOL...

Jess said...

I like the second shot from the top! They are all looking at the camera!

the mama bird diaries said...

So funny.

Pink Slippers said...

One year I promise i will send a picture out of everyone crying and yelling. Well maybe.....

Jenny from Chicago said...

Merry Christmas! Sending warm thoughts to you and yours (great pics)

Threeundertwo said...

So funny! You described what I go through every year.

I'm way behind on blogs, but I want to wish you a very happy New Year and I hope you had a wonderful Christmas!

MadMad said...

Aw, man! Too funny. But I really like Phase 3!

Sprite's Keeper said...

I think we're going to do some practice sessions all year for Sprite's holiday photo so we have SOMETHING to fall back on when she, of course, fails to smile at the last moment.
Too funny!