I just took a look at Google Analytics (which I never do, cause I totally don't care how many readers I have) and decided to check out which keyword searches have lead internetters to Mean Mommy. And reading through these keywords, I realized they tell the story of my life, in a vaguely poetic, essential kind of way.
So today, I thought I'd share my life...in a poem:
My Life in Keywords*
do you know the mommy game?
accidentally put baby's head in ceiling fan
baby fell and hit cheek
3 month old baby falls on tile floor
feeling guilty toddler bruise
nasty mean mommy
how well you know the mommy
20 and have gray hairs
crazy requests at McDonalds
italian bon bons
wild, mean and squeaky clean
outgrowing a mullet
waking to a bat in my room
losing teeth in my dreams
why are mothers so mean?
my children are driving me crazy
(*yes, these are actual keyword searches that have lead readers here. Blush.)
Sunday, August 3, 2008
A poem, by Mean Mommy
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Letting the riff raff in
It's a rite a of passage for any serious blogger, and now it is time for my initiation. Today I present to you the best of the Google searches that have led wayward visitors to my blog:
1. "Maturity clothes"
Maturity clothes include business suits, pencil skirts, high heels, and anything in houndstooth.
2. "My son is driving me crazy"
Mine too!
3. "Nurses with stinky feet"
Don't you HATE that? I hate that.
4. "One year old who eats lint"
Oh dear, you must be a first time mom. Don't worry unless the "lint" comes from the litter box.
5. "Smack bottom hard children"
What? How in the world did that search lead HERE? Ludicrous.
6. "What are persons idiosyncrasies mean?"
Well, if a person's idiosyncrasies include the inability to form a marginally coherent sentence, they mean "stay in school."
7. "What do 5 entwined circles mean?"
That means "Olympics."
8. "What should I be teaching my 7 month old?"
- Toilets are not fun, fun playtime
- Your brothers love you even when they sit on your head
- Cheerios found under the refrigerator are not for eating
- Sleeping through the night = nice mommy; Waking up every 3 hours = red-eyed-hanging-on-by-a thread mommy
- Mommy only takes these little pills when things get really really nutty. And don't mention them to daddy.
I can't really explain it, but I can tell you that asking this question probably means you were never loved as a child.
10. "Why is mommy so mean for reals?"
You try budget grocery shopping with 3 kids on 2 hours of sleep while the "Backyardigans" theme song loops endlessly through your head.
