Dethroned

I can't remember where I read or heard that the terrible two's are a product of a child's dismay at discovering that she is not (as she'd previously assumed) queen of the world.

Until a child is about two years old, we're more willing to cater to every whim, to respond to every request. Then we raise our expectations. And the child's requests become more... complicated, to put it nicely. To put it not nicely, the child's requests become freakin' ridiculous.

At two, a child suddenly wants to participate in activities like

• Tearing up rolls of toilet paper and trying to flush all of the pieces
  
• Sitting on the back of the couch instead of on the seat of the couch
• Calling the (poor, unsuspecting) first person on your cell phone's speed dial over and over and over
• Watching the same Backyardigans sixty-eleven times in a row
• Eating money
• Climbing into your lap when you have a full cup of coffee
  
• Painting the kitchen floor with ketchup (or soggy cereal...or syrup)
• Drinking sixty-eleven juice boxes
• Pounding on the computer keyboard (when she needs a break from turning the computer off and on)
• Opening the fridge, then figuring out how to work the fridge lock and opening the fridge again. And again, and again.
• Wearing nothing but a diaper and an old cheerleading costume that's 10 sizes too big
• Eating hair clips
• Climbing dressers and bookshelves
• Protesting the car seat with back arching and flailing
• Tattooing herself with magic marker
• Taking off her own diaper at, let us say, "inopportune moments"
  
• Turning the TV volume all the way up
  
• Riding the cat
  

You see, it's impossible to say "yes" to such activities. And the toddler starts to learn that "no" will often be the response to her requests. The world is no longer simply eating, pooping, and sleeping. There is so much to be done, and so many people standing in the way of her doing it.

It's hard to accept, so the child melts down.

Paige will be two in October. Let the dethroning begin.