Monday, September 8, 2008

Dethroned

I can't remember where I read or heard that the terrible two's are a product of a child's dismay at discovering that she is not (as she'd previously assumed) queen of the world.

Until a child is about two years old, we're more willing to cater to every whim, to respond to every request. Then we raise our expectations. And the child's requests become more... complicated, to put it nicely. To put it not nicely, the child's requests become freakin' ridiculous.

At two, a child suddenly wants to participate in activities like

  • Tearing up rolls of toilet paper and trying to flush all of the pieces
  • Sitting on the back of the couch instead of on the seat of the couch
  • Calling the (poor, unsuspecting) first person on your cell phone's speed dial over and over and over
  • Watching the same Backyardigans sixty-eleven times in a row
  • Eating money
  • Climbing into your lap when you have a full cup of coffee
  • Painting the kitchen floor with ketchup (or soggy cereal...or syrup)
  • Drinking sixty-eleven juice boxes
  • Pounding on the computer keyboard (when she needs a break from turning the computer off and on)
  • Opening the fridge, then figuring out how to work the fridge lock and opening the fridge again. And again, and again.
  • Wearing nothing but a diaper and an old cheerleading costume that's 10 sizes too big
  • Eating hair clips
  • Climbing dressers and bookshelves
  • Protesting the car seat with back arching and flailing
  • Tattooing herself with magic marker
  • Taking off her own diaper at, let us say, "inopportune moments"
  • Turning the TV volume all the way up
  • Riding the cat
You see, it's impossible to say "yes" to such activities. And the toddler starts to learn that "no" will often be the response to her requests. The world is no longer simply eating, pooping, and sleeping. There is so much to be done, and so many people standing in the way of her doing it.

It's hard to accept, so the child melts down.

Paige will be two in October. Let the dethroning begin.

15 comments:

the mama bird diaries said...

It is such a harsh reality when you lose your sweet baby to the crazy 2's and 3's and 4's....

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

2 is okay, 'cause it's still sort of cute. 3, however...not so much fun.

Mean Mommy said...

Oh don't get me started on 3...shudder

Amy said...

My 1st son at 2 was a piece of cake. My 2nd son who is ONLY 14 months - a whole other story!! He is already doing most of those things on your list and everything lately is "mine, mine, mine!"

I'm so glad this is the last one!

Mama Duck said...

I know exactly what you mean. My 19 month old son yells at me to get my attention. 'Ahhhh' is his way of saying 'give me what I want or I'll melt down, right here, right now'. Also, I found this really cool widget you can put on your blog that allows easy printing of your entries. I put one on mine so that I could print a copy of my blog yearly so that I can keep the hard copy for my kids when they are older. Thought you might like it. Check it out! http://developer.tabblo.com/index.php/hp-blog-printing/

hokgardner said...

My sweet baby boy turns two next week. Unfortunately, the terrible twos started at least two months ago, taking a lot of the sweet with them.

Heart Felt said...

Stop the insanity, I don't need reminding (he's in bed right now and I'm trying to forget) xx

Mama Duck said...

I'm so glad you like it. I can now print out my blogs and mail them to my grandmother. How does she function without a computer???

MadMad said...

Yeah. Two, through, oh, say.... 11 kinda stinks. But maybe you didn't need to know that... ;)

Mean Mommy said...

No I certainly did NOT! Sigh...

Average Girl In Average World said...

Terrible Twos? How about horrible 2's, even worse 3's and freaking ridiculous 4's.

Hopefully it stops at 4, cause I'm losing my mind......


(ur hilarious btw;)

womaninawindow said...

O I remember those times of discovery (hell) and miss them madly now that we're at 8 and 6. Selective memory, i have.

MeanMommyDoc said...

It stops when they get the idea that you really mean what you say. Consistency and discipline (of ourselves as well as them) are the cornerstones. Remember, they only have one job-- and that is to get what they want. Some of our kids are really, really... REALLY good at their job.

Anonymous said...

Nina and Paige could do some serious damage together! Nina has decided to potty train herself. Great, except we keep finding "presents" left around the house. How DO you explain a pile of poop in your living room when someone drops by...??
xo JG

Threeundertwo said...

My son started this stage at 18 months. He's 10 now and almost over it. . .