The 8 phases of the holiday photo

Oh, the blessed ritual of the holidays. The festivity, the preparing of home and heart to welcome miracles. The feasting, the sharing, the ushering in of a new hope, a new year. All this richness is what every mother hopes to capture in her children's holiday photo.


Phase One: Robot Children
You're just beginning. Everyone is hopeful, cooperative. They're trying. But it's just too stiff. Not warm enough.



Phase Two: Grandma tries to help
Grandma steps in and attempts to make everyone smile. From the other end of the room.



Phase Three: New Location
You decide an outside shot might be better. Everyone settles in, tries to find a comfortable pose. Especially the two-year old, whose most comfortable pose is less than modest. Also, your sister pulls into the driveway and yells, "Hi guys!" just as you're hitting the button.



Phase Four: Smile!
Everyone gets comfortable. You say, "Smile!" The two-year old really, really tries.



Phase Five: Impatience decends
Everyone is getting just a little bit anxious. "This is going to be it!" you reassure them. "Just one more!" And yes, it's a great shot! Cute! Natural! Semi-focused! Except the four-year-old forgot to sit still.



Phase Six: Hilarity
They've begun to mock your dream of a nice Christmas photo.



Phase seven:



Phase Eight: Tears
Now you've done it. You've made the baby cry.



Phase Nine: Wine
Mutter, "F it." Go inside. Pour a glass of wine. Pick a mediocre shot and live with it.

And no, you can't see it because you might be getting a Christmas card.

Holidays officially underway.

You are my favorite because...

Another birthday (erm, only a couple of weeks ago...or so...), another favorite post (which I've been working on for a week!)

Owen, you are my favorite because...

You can't stop giving Mitch your birthday money. Every time you spend a little of it, you hand some over to him because you can't stand to see him disappointed.

Your enthusiasm for maps and geography facts has made me an expert on capital cities, both in the U.S. and abroad.

You share my love of Beverly Cleary, Spencer on iCarly (he totally makes that show watchable), drawing, chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, and sleeping for five more minutes.

When you asked me, "Are you the tooth fairy?" and I responded, "Are you kidding? I don't have time to fly around the world gathering teeth every night!" that was a good enough answer for you.

I said it last year, and I'll say it again: you laugh at my jokes, and you make jokes that make me laugh.

You have good taste in shoes.

Your performance and behavior in school are absolutely the best a parent could hope for, and you do so well because you love it, like I do.

You are proud of who you are and completely unselfconscious.

You are my first born, and there is something special about a mother's love for her first born. You introduced me to the meaning of life, and every day you are that enlightenment made manifest.

Snowball, I can't believe it's already been 7 years. In the same amount of time from now you'll be 14, and that makes me dizzy. Please don't ever leave behind the smart, funny, quirky boy I love.

November 4, 2008