Dethroned

I can't remember where I read or heard that the terrible two's are a product of a child's dismay at discovering that she is not (as she'd previously assumed) queen of the world.

Until a child is about two years old, we're more willing to cater to every whim, to respond to every request. Then we raise our expectations. And the child's requests become more... complicated, to put it nicely. To put it not nicely, the child's requests become freakin' ridiculous.

At two, a child suddenly wants to participate in activities like

• Tearing up rolls of toilet paper and trying to flush all of the pieces
  
• Sitting on the back of the couch instead of on the seat of the couch
• Calling the (poor, unsuspecting) first person on your cell phone's speed dial over and over and over
• Watching the same Backyardigans sixty-eleven times in a row
• Eating money
• Climbing into your lap when you have a full cup of coffee
  
• Painting the kitchen floor with ketchup (or soggy cereal...or syrup)
• Drinking sixty-eleven juice boxes
• Pounding on the computer keyboard (when she needs a break from turning the computer off and on)
• Opening the fridge, then figuring out how to work the fridge lock and opening the fridge again. And again, and again.
• Wearing nothing but a diaper and an old cheerleading costume that's 10 sizes too big
• Eating hair clips
• Climbing dressers and bookshelves
• Protesting the car seat with back arching and flailing
• Tattooing herself with magic marker
• Taking off her own diaper at, let us say, "inopportune moments"
  
• Turning the TV volume all the way up
  
• Riding the cat
  

You see, it's impossible to say "yes" to such activities. And the toddler starts to learn that "no" will often be the response to her requests. The world is no longer simply eating, pooping, and sleeping. There is so much to be done, and so many people standing in the way of her doing it.

It's hard to accept, so the child melts down.

Paige will be two in October. Let the dethroning begin.

Hey people!!!!

It's been one of those weeks. You know the kind: those weeks when both your house air conditioning AND your car air conditioning break on the same day. And then, even though you tell your husband, "Don't let the HVAC guy bamboozle you into some maintenance contract (cause you wouldn't dream of paying to prevent problems, you'd rather just cough up 5 times more after things break), you get home and your husband tells you he had to sign the maintenance contract because blah blah blah de blah blah.

And the Olympics are over, and your DVR keeps stopping recordings just before the actual end of programs, so you don't get to see one gold medal handed out or find out what happens "Next week on The Hills." And you discover that your work pants from Spring semester are, um, snug (to put it mildly). And the fun fabric shopping trip you have planned with one of your closest friends whom you haven't spent time with in way too long gets canceled cause the damn shop is closed on Mondays.

That kind of week.

But. In the midst of all my whining this week, I did find a few moments of unexpected joy. Turns out that riding around town with the windows down, something I haven't done in a really long time, has a kind of euphoric effect on passengers. Apart from the blistering, smothering heat at stoplights, rolling along with the wind in our hair this week has been kind of fun.

I think it's because driving with the windows down makes you turn the music up, which causes you to sing along more loudly than you otherwise might, which, it seems, releases endorphins, even in toddlers. There's been much giggling and smiling in the car of late, a good bit of waving out the window, and lots and lots of singing. I'd even be as melodramatic as to say that driving with the windows down makes me feel more connected to the world.

Apparently it makes Mitch feel that way too.

Why else would he release himself from his booster seat, lean across the front seat to stick his head out the window, and holler, "Hey people!!!!!"

See? Not all bad is bad. Sometimes bad can be good.

But air conditioning is better.

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